Last week, sex-happy foursome Pretty Ricky–less an R&B boy band than four pairs of blue balls come to life–did the world a solid by keeping mimsy-ass indie-pop schlockmeisters the Shins off the top of the Billboard Hot 100, proving once again that while you can’t teach teenagers good taste, at least their natural affinity toward bare-chested soft-core will at least prevent the pop charts from becoming overrun by dudes in cardigans. (It also proves that instant-message transcripts are this generation’s love sonnets, though that goes just as much for the Shins as for Pretty Ricky.) Sadly, Pretty Ricky is nowhere to be found on the Sound Garden’s list of its weekly top sellers, though the Shins did manage to claw their way to the top spot of this list, which inexplicably winds up in our fax machine’s tray every week. So let’s see what Baltimore is currently spending its non-iTunes dollars on.
In second place is the new solo album by Sean Price, former member of Heltah Skeltah and erstwhile member of ex-hardcore NYC street crew/current indie hip-hop titan Boot Camp Clik, moving an astonishing 40 copies–and since this isn’t New York, we have to assume that someone other than his mom bought them. Except on the Sound Garden’s web site, the No. 2 slot is occupied by the sleepy new collaborative effort by Britpop’s sallow-looking Paul Simon, Damon Albarn. The Good, the Bad, and the Queen, aside from its asinine title, isn’t a particularly bad record, but if you’re going to use the bassist from the world’s last great rock ‘n’ roll band and the fella who manned the drum stool for Fela Kuti, you might want to, you know, pick up the pace a bit. The rest of the Top 10 is rounded out with a local mixtape by Bossman, releases from nonentities Dropping Daylight and Damien Rice, schmindie stars Deerhoof and Of Montreal, hip-hop from Mos Def and Young Jeezy, and inexplicable blue-eyed soul heartthrob Robin Thicke. Only Pretty Ricky can save us now.