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10 Places We’d Like to Take Rahm Emanuel to Drink

June 17, 2011

We here at Baltimore’s Most Convivial Alternative Weekly love us our mayors. We love them when they’re gone. We love them when they secure that all important third-grader support for their gubernatorial campaign. Hell, we even love them when they perp walk–uh, celebrate their achievements.

But we have to admit we’re really feeling some mayoral love right now, because with the United States Conference of Mayors taking place in Baltimore this weekend (which we last visited when it took place in Washington D.C. in 2001), that means recently inagurated Chicago mayor Rahm “Fucking” Emanuel is in town, and we want to buy that great American Jew a few drinks. Here, then, are the 10 places we’d like to take the 55th mayor of Chicago to sip a few potent potables and drink in parts of Charm City that, perhaps, aren’t on the Conference of Mayors’ official itinerary.

10. J-Ray’s Tavern, to gauge how well Baltimore cops hold their sauce compared to Chicago’s.

9. The Mount Royal Tavern–because surely there’s somebody there missing more than a finger.

8. The Bloody Bucket, because crass ain’t the half of it.

7. Shirley’s Honey Hole, if it’s still there, so he can get a big hug from Shirley’s sister whilst the hoppers stash their stashes.

6. Sooner’s Tavern on Pennington Avenue, to see how his mouth holds up when a crew of Curtis Bay dudes decide they want to stomp him.

5.  Down Pennington to Taylor’s 5000 Tavern, to get a juicy fried-oyster sandwich, a bowl of home-made beef-noodle soup, the sounds of the vinyl jukebox, and some friendly local lore–after he gets stomped by a crew of Curtis Bay dudes at Sooner’s Tavern.

4. Grand Central during Pride–because if any sitting mayor is gonna do shots with a man in false eyelashes and a thong, we’re betting it’s Emanuel.

3. The Eldorado Lounge, to learn a thing or two about Baltimore politics.

2. The Harbor Way Inn, for some viryta that Chi-Town’s Lithuanians would die for.

1. Good Times, to see that, yes, it’s still possible for a tavern owner to be the head of the City Council’s Land Use Committee.

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