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Some Questions for Baltimore’s New “Upscale Dive Bar,” Moonshine Tavern

December 28, 2012

Here in The City That Drinks there’s nothing that sets up a powerful thirst better than news of a new bar opening, in this case, according to our friends at the Baltimore Business Journal, the Moonshine Tavern which opens for business Monday, Jan. 7th at 2300 Boston St. in the backwoods of Canton (current occupant The Gin Mill closes its doors on Sunday), a brand-new “dive” bar, an “upscale” type of “dive” bar with a “theme” based on “New Orleans” plus the Discovery Channel series “Moonshiners,” so we have a few questions.

Will there be corn likker?

What about the Revenooers?

Is there a VIP section for actual moonshiners?

Are shoes required?

Does it have artisanal, organic corncobs in the outhouse . . .
. . . and is it a regular outhouse or onea them “clivus multrum” deals?

If there’s a “Daisy Dukes night” will it be only for the womenfolk?

Will there be Pickin’ *and* grinnin’ *and* bottle service?

Can I get that $125-a-bottle Pommery Brut Vintage Champagne 99 to go?

Is that valet parking or Cousin Lukey a-stealin’ my car?

This being Baltimore and all, wouldn’t it have made more sense to do a heroin-dealer inspired bar?