In Annual Fight Against Aliens, Washington Wins! Deified.
Tonight George Washington, perched upon his Charles St. pedestal, withstood an alien onslaught lasting at least ten or fifteen minutes. Unflustered by the steady barrage of colorful alien bombs bursting around him, the Founder of this country stood steady, like Caesar, and with his lifted hand, which some say looks like a giant cock, he repels every alien volley of flame. The music swells with the historic nature of the moment as the last volley of extraterrestrial munitions explode in the face of the Founder. His hand subdues them. He wins. He is subsequently deified.