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The News Hole

Unclean! Unclean!

December 9, 2010
By

Credit: Honfest.net

She’s finally gone and done it.

Not satisfied with having Disney-fied Hampden, Denise Whiting—owner of CafĂ© Hon and creator of Honfest—is going national. She has registered the word “hon” as a federal trademark, according to an article in the Baltimore Messenger. As the self-proclaimed owner of the word, Whiting has a licensing agreement with the Maryland Transit Administration to use “hon” in its ad campaign for fare cards.

Somebody better tell all those working-class women who created the term that it’s time to send in their dues.

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  • Perkus Tooth

    This beyond absurd.

  • http://joshdowlut.com/ Josh Dowlut

    This expansive, abusive use of intellectual property law is the epitome of “rent seeking.”

  • http://joshdowlut.com/ Josh Dowlut

    This expansive, abusive use of intellectual property law is the epitome of “rent seeking.”

  • RUdoneYETfilms

    Donald Trump actually tried to trademark the phrase “You’re fired” a few years back…

  • Baltimocker

    Fine, i’m trademarking my nickname and misspellings there of.

  • Ed21201

    Worst person in the world. I hope John Waters flings his poop at her.

  • Baltimorecrunch

    ew. this is hilarious. this woman is delusional. you cannot own a word. does will smith get paid for jiggy being in the dictionary? i certainly hope not. if one dime of my tax dollars goes to that idiot woman because our MTA uses the word HON… i swear, i will flip out. unfreakingbelievable. what kind of country are we living in when people can OWN WORDS and get PAID when others use them???? we must be the laughing stock of the international community. if our news media wasnt so corrupt and manipulated, we might actually know…

  • dan deacon

    at least her restaurant still sucks.

  • BaltoJoe

    Look, I understand that Ms. Whiting needs to protect her investment in the Hon world; and I have no problem with her doing what she has to do to prevent copycat establishments elsewhere. If that’s the extent of her rationale behind the name registration, fine. I suspect as much; and don’t expect her attempting to stifle anyone else’s use of the word, nor do I see that being in her best financial interest. I hope I’m right about that.

    OTOH, if she believes she has legal claim to a word that is part of the fabric of Baltimore and belongs to everyone in this Honderful city, she’s badly mistaken. Her support among Baltimoreans will fade faster than the Orioles in August.

  • Farkus5

    I used to work for Denise at Cafe Hon. Her behavior was really atrocious then…even with flashes of humanity from time to time. However, it just seems that she really is turning into a horrible, robotic monster.

  • BaltoJoe

    It’s not that I disagree with you; but if the international community is concerned with some little greasy spoon in Hampden, we’ve got bigger problems. I was kinda hoping they’d sort out that Israel/Palestine thing first.

  • Madophelia

    How exactly does one legally trademark a regional colloquialism without some sort of appeals process from the region in question? What’s next? A Salisbury franchise called “cafe hick” holding annual “hick fests” and trademarking the word “hick”? This exploitive hussy needs to stop making fun of people’s grandmothers and crawl back into whatever hole she squelched out of.

  • MizB

    Imagine someone in London trying to trademark the term “luv” or someone in Canada trademarking “eh?”. She’s gone, too far, IMO.

  • 22nd Letter

    You might find the original article from the Messenger (linked above) interesting. In it, Denise speaks about a lot about “Hon” branding.

  • hampden-escapee

    She makes her money off of mocking the working class of Baltimore from the late 50′s and early 60′s. She has bastardized the memory of the real quirky, industrious folk who made Baltimore what it is today. She is certifiable. Seriously, ask anyone who has ever worked for her (aside from the one brown-noser who has made a career out of being her pet) and you’ll hear straight up horror stories. One day while my husband and I worked there, she didn’t like how someone had cut a sandwich or something small like that and she stabbed the counter with a massive knife screaming and stomped off, steaming. Crazy.
    If anyone wants to truly piss her off, dress in “hon” drag and go sip water at the counter or bar. She’s a total bible bopping homophobe. That would piss her off to no end.

  • Free SMALLTIMORE

    Reminds me of the loss of Smalltimore not too long ago to a party planning company. We have proof of it’s use in the public arena for over a decade, and these two swoop in and now no one else can use it.
    This is totally what Josh said – “Rent Seeking.”

  • http://twitter.com/citythatbreeds The City That Breeds

    Welp, I supported her establishment in light of that stupid flamingo fiasco but now Hon, my shitlist got one larger, Hon.

  • ain’t got no…

    Whats next “ain’t got no” “yous”, “ain’t it though, h..” , ooops can’t say “hon”

  • Zfunkyfish

    Hampden was a crapfest before Ms.Whiting branded it and brought it back to life. Any idiot can see what she has done for that side of town and Baltimore itself. It’s such a shame that everyone can cast judgement on another person without all the facts, and no true knowledge of this woman. You would be amazed if you knew of her generosity, her philanthropy, and her compassion towards EVERYONE….those acts would never make an article; maybe because she doesn’t brag about it, and pat herself on the back, but mostly because noone wants to hear GOOD news. I would be safe to bet that none of you who have written negative words about Ms.Whiting have ever done as much in your lives to help others as this one woman has and continues to do…and as far as the whole branding/trademark of the word HON- thats OLD news. She celebrates the working class because thats what SHE is- a hard working woman. take your hatred and misguided thoughts elsewhere people- if you were smart, you would realize she is the ONE positive thing happening to Baltimore- spend your angry time getting pissed off at the heroin junkies sucking the life out of this town, spend your energy on getting better schools instead of jails…and spend some of your miserable little lives helping others…HON.

  • krzyzboy

    she’s a stupid pig. is she even from baltimore originally?

  • avenuediner

    Well, I actually have had to work with her for various community functions and I definitely do not see the same woman you’re speaking of. All I see are dollar signs when I look into her eyes.

  • FastestManAlive

    I am owner of the word “the”. Everybody pay me NOW!

  • Chrissy

    People of Baltimore – you are all to blame in this. Your lack of vigilance and insurmountable apathy has concluded in corporations taking over the city and all you do is complain on the internet about it as things get worse and worse. Maybe Baltimore can be a giant pink Wal-Mart.

  • http://twitter.com/citythatbreeds The City That Breeds

    tl;dr

  • Unplugged_unc

    Last time I checked, “Hon” is “Honey” shortened, which is a product of bees and a term of endearment. Is she going to request owning that? I can understand placing a trademark on the name of her restaurant, but only as in the context that it is used. I mean, if she is going to trademark “hon” seems to me she might as well go ahead and trademark “cafe.”

    To the individual who said that she is a charitable person, I ask you this: will she take any royalties and donate them to local needs and/or organizations or her own? That is what will make us look at her as charitable.

    Put simply – this is a STUPID, money mongering move of someone who may be viewed publicly as charitable, but her actions portray a different picture.

  • Virgin4ever68

    lol, Hon was from the old days. I remember in the 80s 98 Rock having a twisted tune “Have a Highlandtown Holiday Hon” . Where does she get off thinking its her word?

  • Unplugged_unc

    Really? You’re going there?

  • Rusty Chompers

    I think this would be an excellent opportunity for everyone who understands why the Hon image is offensive to tirelessly begin explaining everywhere they can just why the Hon is so offensive. And take every opportunity available to do so.

  • Rusty Chompers

    Ms. Whiting of the Cafe Hon went there first, actually. Breaking ranks with her local neighborhood associations to actively lobby for and testify in support of the Remington Wal-Mart.

  • Zfunkyfish

    Project Twelve is a non-profit organization geared toward decreasing the high school dropout rate of teenagers in Baltimore.

    Project Twelve is being founded by this hon to the left, Denise Whiting, Owner of Cafe Hon. She will be using the proceeds from HonFest 09 to make it happen, HON!
    there are numerous other charitable events- the MD. state police polar bear plunge- the Plunging Hons raised a couple thousand dollars for that event…
    I’m not versed enough to relay all the other charitable donations made from her, but I have knowledge that the list is quite substantial. you can find it online.

  • Zfunkyfish

    Project Twelve is a non-profit organization geared toward decreasing the high school dropout rate of teenagers in Baltimore.

    Project Twelve is being founded by this hon to the left, Denise Whiting, Owner of Cafe Hon. She will be using the proceeds from HonFest 09 to make it happen, HON!
    there are numerous other charitable events- the MD. state police polar bear plunge- the Plunging Hons raised a couple thousand dollars for that event…
    I’m not versed enough to relay all the other charitable donations made from her, but I have knowledge that the list is quite substantial. you can find it online.

  • LH

    She may have started bringing Hampden back to life but it is do to all the merchants and small business owners taking a risk and opening their business when hers was about the only business there. Every year she tries to strong arm merchants who have merchandise on their porches to pay her to do so for HonFest. Not a table at the festival, mind you, on their porch that they pay rent for. She is greedy. She belongs to the HVMA and only attends two meetings a year to talk about her festival the rest of the time having nothing to do with her fellow merchants.

  • Son, hon

    Try my new Hon Soup™, 50% salt, 50% cheese, 50% sleaze.

  • Son, hon

    Oops! That should be Hon Soup™, 50% grease (pronounced greeze), 50% cheese, 50% sleaze.

  • Your Mom

    WTF. And people are crying about a Wal Mart coming?

  • seriously?

    Pretty sure the actual women she’s mocking and/or paying homage to would kick her ass if they had a chance.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WARXANRVHT4Z2IGXM3ZTTNL4LA esmevander

    “she is the ONE positive thing happening to Baltimore”

    *Really?* The *only* one? I think Dr. Alonso just got a stellar frontpage writeup in the NY Times this week; there are a couple (you know, like 30) other pretty nice shops/restaurants in Hampden alone; some pretty world-class universities and foundations in town (Annie E. Casey Foundation and Bloomberg School of Public Health, you’ll be sorry to hear that Denise Whiting’s good works eclipse yours, forever.)

  • Photoboho

    This is shocking and appalling. Who does this turd think she is? I would love to hear what John Waters thinks of this…I can see him snickering and rolling his eyes now…You can’t trademark people’s culture and she IS making fun of our mothers and grandmothers…Shame on her…Baltimore needs to boycott this woman and put her out of business. I will never darken her door again…

  • Blanc

    Have you ever heard a black person call someone “Hon”?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WARXANRVHT4Z2IGXM3ZTTNL4LA esmevander

    Let’s pretend, for a moment, that we inhabit a Baltimore-that-never-was–the bastard child of the sitcom Alice (“Kiss ma grits!”), the movie “Hairspray” and Elvis in his Vegas period. Put it on a postcard with a saccharine re-imagining of a working-class, small, Eastern city of the late 1950s.

    Now surround it with unspeakable Lovecraftian horrors which the sane mind cannot comprehend: despairing working stiffs trying to turn a buck on a $15 pancake order; the smell of day-old lard; omelet like hockey pucks, hard nubs of cheese glued to the inside; alien pink birds; the insufferable nasal twang of rich people saying “I love it, HON!”

    You have entered the Café Hon universe.

    Denise Whiting’s supporters say she singlehandedly gentrified Hampden. And she is a booster, to be sure, of a neighborhood once mocked, now gentrified (if you ignore the pregnant meth-addicted prostitutes in the Sev parking lot down the street, that is. I once heard one pregnant prostitute scream at another “I WAS TWICE THE WHORE YOU EVER WERE, BITCH!”–kid you not!)

    And not only has she built her empire on this addled vision, but… People. Fucking. Love. It.

    Yes, my friends, it’s true. They flock from their tidy houses for a little safe bite of heartwarming white-folks nostalgia, dragging little Cooper and little Sophie in those SUV-sized double-wide strollers. They at the pretend blue-collar hilarity, ostentatiously ignoring those glassy-eyed tweakers and their pimps (who inevitably have tears tattooed beneath their eyes, in a white-boy appropriation of Mexican gang culture–my God, will the recursion never stop?)

    Ahem.

    And I quote from the previous reviews. Example One:
    “…this place relies on your knowledge of kitcsch B-more and John Waters for success.”

    While I DEARLY wish the Egg Lady would park herself–diaper, oversized crib and all–in the middle of the CafĂ© Hon, I seriously doubt this poster has seen the poo-eating scene.
    But the comment is instructive for our little excursion into the deranged cultural morass that is Hon-ness. (Sorry–Hon REGISTERED TRADEMARK-ness.

    EXAMPLE TWO:
    ” So cute, there’s a ginormous flamingo plastered to the front of the restaurant and the decor inside is straight outta Hair Spray. Had the waitress’ hair been done up in a “bee hive” it would have been the whole package!”

    Oh, MITZI, wouldn’t that have JUST BEEN PERFECT? GI-fucking NORMOUS beehives are HILARIOUS! Everyone in Baltimore has one! In Baltimore they, like, live in this weird time/space continuum? Where there’s like 10 dimensions? And there are no black people? I LOVE IT!

    But perhaps EXAMPLE THREE explains it best.
    “personally I will take some precious hipster boutique with a twee title over a drug corner complete with junkie hookers.”

    Really? ‘Cause I totally dig junkie hookers. So that must be why CafĂ© Hon makes me feel kind of crappy and sad. You know, ’cause if you don’t serve rich white people a big old slice of condescension with their overpriced flamingo gear and “ironic” cats-eye glasses, the only alternative is to live in a world full of twee. (Twee! I hope you’re British.) Me, on the other hand, I’ll take a seventeen-going-on-seventy tweeker with no teeth any day. Yup. Because it’s that, or overpriced dry hamburgers. Absolutely.

    I was inspired (I guess that’s the word) to write this rant when I saw that Denise Whiting, CafĂ© Hon’s owner and Baltimore proprietress of all-that-is-kitsch* has trademarked the word Hon. Trade. Marked. The. Word. Hon.

    I would’ve left it alone. I could have. I don’t even think about Cafe Hon until that horrifying “Hon Fest” comes around in the fall and people I know (and actually like!) talk about how they went all Hon-drag to try and win a contest that values, above all else, absolute conformity to its founders’ profoundly blinkered vision of The City That Pays Her Bills.

    But she did it–she trademarked HON–and here we are, Hon, livin’ the ol’ Bawlmer life. Just me, you, twee boutiques, murderers, geniuses, forgotten monuments, corrupt politicians, acres of green parks filled with people fixing cars, decaying rows of formerly segregated houses (complete with riot-era brickover), trannies, a whole community from Central America, conventioneers, whites and blacks and browns and other, politicians and bloggers, writers and artists, anarchists, Republicans, living on the shore of a muddied harbor full of last year’s snow and scraps of paper.

    And not a Hon in sight.

    *The term “kitsch” might actually be a little highbrow for what’s on display here. (See Sontag.)

  • ogstink

    you mean tax write offs

  • mmp

    yes

  • Godfree

    I do agree that this is done in very poor taste and is very disrespectful towards the Baltimore community and it’s history, she does own the rights to”Hon” legally. Which only means that it can’t be used in print and she is just doing it because it is business and it is not personal. But her support base for her restaurant and for her Spring festival, Hon Fest, will find that there is a cost that goes with her arrogance. As far an I have heard and it is just a rumor. I don’t even think she is originally from Baltimore.

  • Sam

    Now a lot of us feel like idiots for supporting her and that damn flamingo.

  • Hanareddy

    She should be giving John Waters a percentage of all her profits!

  • guest

    “Hussy.” I haven’t heard that term used in some time. It is so apropos.

  • Akalfas

    better trademark it!

  • Baltimorerag

    Is that you, Denise?

  • FU HON

    Is that you, Denise?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6SPAXELHGZZGEH5W2GY3IZOJM sobo

    Zfunkyfish smells like lake trout (Whiting)

  • Crowsonguy

    Luv is not a London term. Try “guv” instead if you want to make a fiver

  • Crowsonguy

    Very noble, but totally lacking in supporting evidence

  • PDH

    trademarking “hon” is a dick move, no doubt, but good gracious.. get a life!

  • Anna Clarkson

    © Denise Whiting 2010

  • Honhon

    Um, that’s 150% – hon. Maybe the’re right about working on the school systems. (I’ve just received an electronic subpeona in response to my use of the word hon. Make that two subpeonas.)

  • Honhon

    Jon Waters is an equivocable A-hole btw. He tried bumming a smoke from my neighbor in a bar a few years ago. She responded: Aren’t you a millionaire? Go F yourself and buy yourself a cigarette to smoke afterward. Now THAT’s how a Hon gets er done.

  • Gbarnes83

    Hampden was better off with the hardware store that was there before she rolled into town. As far as her compassion she has just showed it by censoring her facebook page. What a Coward Hon. She has likely ruined her business that she has profited from the past several years on a Hampden tradition. Seems to me that crapfest as you call it made her.

  • WTHunter

    You must be the brown-nosed pet employee mentioned above!

  • Anne Onymous

    Here’s what I can’t figure out: There’s a fairly large, respectable, and established manufacturer of office furniture, file cabinets, office chairs, etc. They’ve been doing business as HON for at least thirty years that I know of. There’s a grassroots community organization in Tennessee–Hands On Nashville–that also uses the name. It’s the three-letter name on the stock exchange for Honeywell. There’s a club of individuals who do fantasy role-playing who use the name.

    Anybody else remember Sony’s Restaurant? Its owner was crushed to death by Sony the mega-corporation for using the name, even though it was her own first name. I suspect the Grinch of Hampden may face some similar problems down the road. And I, too, am really sorry I stood up for her about that idiot flamingo. I hope it falls down.

  • some guy

    Pretty sure that makes your neighbor the asshole…

  • Jane_bob

    This woman has always been an elitist, classist snob. She looks DOWN on those working class women that she has made so much money off of, and let me tell you: those working class women did NOT and do NOT appreciate her condescending attitude towards them. I worked on 36th St in 2000 and they would TELL you that they did not appreciate it and they would tell you to go to Mamies’ Restaurant instead (Mamies was an incredible loss, a TRUE “Hon” establishment).

    Denise is a snide bitch who was already hated by other 36th St business owners/workers and residents in Hampden and people throughout Baltimore BEFORE she trademarked “hon”. She tells people to “buy local” and support the small businesses, but she supported the Wal-Mart on 25th and Howard (obviously a payoff). Look at the Sun article on Ms. Denise and her trademarking the “hon” name: she is NOT shy about the fact that she looks down on the very people whom she has profited from throughout the years.

    Her restaurant is mediocre at best, food sucked, but I did used to patronize the bar: no more! At this point, I hope that her restaurant goes under and a fucking Starbucks moves in her spot (and I hate Starbucks and most other chains).

  • Jane_bob

    OH, I don’t know: PDH. This is political. This is a thuggish, arrogant proprieter with money and clout forcing her wishes on all of us unwashed masses, it is political and while it is not Palestine or Wikileaks, it is important. The English language should be in the public domain. If capitalists can trademark/own words of our language, what’s next?

    There needs to be a legal challenge to this: it cannot hold up in court.

  • Jane_bob

    she’s not from Baltimore. She definitely has the right to Trademark her logo and restaurant name, but should she be able to trademark the word? I do not think so.

  • Jane_bob

    I agree with you Baltimore Joe, Palestine is much more improtant, but this is a domestic issue, an issue of monied interests being able to buy up words of our language, which should be in the public domain.

  • Jane_bob

    “If anyone wants to truly piss her off, dress in “hon” drag and go sip water at the counter or bar. She’s a total bible bopping homophobe. That would piss her off to no end.”

    Really??? Hmm, very interesting. I did not know that she was a Bible-thumper. A right-wing asshole? Obviously. But I thought a one side of the coin right-winger: a greedy capitalist, but she is a money-grubber and a Holy Roller-two sides. Hmm…..

  • captain kirk

    I have to agree, avenuediner: the comment above is the only positive thing that I have EVER seen written about her. She probably posted it herself.

  • Primus

    Something made from that fucking nasty of a recipe can only be found at Cafe H#n!

  • Hey

    Yes, “seriously?” I can tell you, they fucking hate her.

  • Hey

    Yes, I have. Older women (white and black, mostly).

  • Anon

    …a Wal_Mart that Denise Whiting fought for……can u say, “payoff”?????

  • Bdplaid

    I’m a right-wing asshole and I think it’s wrong, too.

  • Bdplaid

    Jumping on the Absurd train, why can’t someone trademark “Denise Whiting” and charge her every time she uses it, like writing checks and stuff?
    Just a thought.

  • Go F yourself

    Uh…he wouldn’t give him a cigarette because he’s a millionaire? Your friend sounds like a real a-hole.

  • GK

    Why not do a boycott?! Let locals go over and order minimum and eat very slowly! Also take all the parking spaces up around her place for a week! this would twist her nose!

    Then create a “HUN-Fest” to show her she can’t own a word!

    She is arrogant and used all the city & media last year to get free ads for herself all the while she cried poor and her buddy Sheila Gift-Card got her a lower price for the stupid pink flamingo sign! Baltimore has more class in Highlandtown than she has ever shown in Hamden!

  • Jmpaff

    she has a saparate trademark for her logo and Cafe Hon

  • Gregoryleveque

    I just wish Esther Martin was still around…she owned THE WIG WAM(which became CLUB CHARLES)and was a GREAT part of Baltimore’s charm.With a heart of gold and a mouth made to speak the truth she could make a long-shoreman blush with her tirades against posers,imposters and just plain jerks.I am sure Esther would have had a few choice descriptive words for Denise.And,yes,Esther did call me HON!