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Under His Beard: The Militia!

March 12, 2009

In what could be the most egregious misuse of his Chuck Norris powers since his endorsement of Mike Huckabee, Walker: Texas Ranger star and martial arts legend Chuck Norris has suggested that Texas secede from the union, that he “may run for President” of the Republic of Texas, and that thousands of right-wing “cells” will coalesce tomorrow around Fox commentator Glenn Beck, who will provide further marching orders.

During a March 3 interview on Beck’s radio show, Norris asserted that “our Constitution was made only for a religious and moral people,” adding that “it’s wholly inadequate for the government of any other.”

He also said that Walker: Texas Ranger could totally take out Jack Bauer of 24.

And he said Texas could secede–and that day might be close at hand:

GLENN: Americans will, they just, they won’t stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up. And they said, where’s that going to come from? And I said Texas, it’s going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that, Chuck, or not?
NORRIS: Oh, yeah. You know, Texas is a republic, you know. We could actually —
GLENN: It was a country before it was a state.
NORRIS: Yeah, we could break off from the union if we wanted to.

Most constitutional scholars disagree. This whole “secession” thing got tried that one time about 130 years ago, and the matter was settled pretty decisively in favor of the proposition, “Um, no.”

But, since the mid 1960s, the Republican Party has given itself over, more and more, to those who believe the ideals of the old confederacy are superior to what has come since. They call themselves “conservatives” and sometimes “Christian patriots,” but the ideas are pretty consistently not conservative, Christian, or patriotic.

And now Beck is organizing some kind of revolution, which supposedly begins tomorrow at 5 p.m., with these thousands of “cells” (Norris’ word) tuned in.

Never heard of Glenn Beck? Here’s a running compendium of his wise pronouncements. (Think Rush, but not as smart).

For his own part, Norris has expanded on his radio appearance in his own column at Worldnet Daily:

How much more will Americans take? When will enough be enough? And, when that time comes, will our leaders finally listen or will history need to record a second American Revolution? We the people have the authority according to America’s Declaration of Independence. . . .

So, will Chuck really lead a nation of Christian patriots into glorious battle against the forces of darkness? Perhaps. Then again, he may just be shilling for his new martial arts meet. His column ends with this postscript:

(Note: Speaking of showdowns, Chuck is also inviting anyone near the Houston area this weekend to see a good example of the raw Texas fighting spirit by joining him and others for the national martial arts event, “Showdown in H-Town.“)

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